Random Musings: Volume 1
While I did purpose to write a post at least twice a week, I intentionally made sure that I did not promise any type of meaningful content. To that end, here is what has been burning in my mind throughout the waking hours of the past few days. For your consideration…
Why do my front door lock positions not match? When my door is locked, the deadbolt is horizontal and the doorknob is vertical. It is messing with my OCD and my ability to function when I must answer it quickly for food delivery after possibly having consumed adult beverages…let’s be real this also happens when I only drink water all day.
I have a gray cat, a black cat, and a brown tiger stripe cat…why do all of the furballs they cough up look green or yellow.
Why does the 14lb box of kitty litter seem like it weighs 8 tons more than my 14 pound cat? Yes, my cat is 14 pounds - he’s not fat, he’s big boned. His mother weighs nearly 20 pounds…it’s glandular. Stop judging her, she’s beautiful…and she too is easier to carry than the 14lb box of litter.
I assume that the act of brushing our teeth is called such because we use a device that has bristles and looks like a brush. Why then do we not call it brushing the toilet?
At what age does one stop giggling (internally or out loud) when someone uses the word penis in a conversation?
Progressive lenses were not made for gamers. Full stop.
I am fairly certain that Penelope Featherington had a full set of gel nails in season three of Bridgerton and for some reason - even though it is a television show based on fictional characters in a silly romance novel - I was deeply bothered by the historical inaccuracy.
How do you figure the Targaryen’s keep their white hair from turning brassy. What is nature’s purple shampoo and where can I get it?
Why is it that when I have dark hair it seems like all of my roots are white, but the moment my roots start coming in after I bleach my hair to white all of my roots are dark. It’s a very cruel (and expensive) shell game that I am getting a little annoyed with.
What have I done to upset the driver of the recycling truck that does our route? If I put my trash can and recycling bin on the same side of the driveway, he will drop the recycling bin upside down in the center of my driveway 100% of the time. So I separate them, placing my garbage to the left of the drive and recycling next to the mailbox. He still drops it upside down in the ditch, but at least we can use the driveway.
*Googling how to mend relationships with sanitation workers*
Which nerdholes spend all of their time writing these help guides that tell us where to put our skill tree and paragon points in Diablo IV? Do they get paid? How do they have time to level so many characters to those levels so quickly? Is Blizzard secretly feeding us specific builds so that we play in specific ways so that they don’t have to develop other areas or fix certain bugs? Is it a giant nerd conspiracy? Should I just stop thinking about it and finish my stupid battle pass the way that Bliz…I mean the secret internet nerds tell me to?
Why do the new pets in Diablo IV pick up gold, resources, and aberrant cinders but not the stupid flame or spirit bubble things when you’re running whispers?
Where does your dog go when you’re riding your horse?
For someone allegedly taking care of their spouse, managing a household, and working full time, I have a lot of brain space focused on a stupid game.
How did horses trim their hooves before farriers and blacksmiths started getting involved?
Growing up we were always taught that we shouldn’t eat cloven hooved animals that didn’t chew the cud, as they were considered unclean. This means cows and sheep - clean; pigs - unclean. Horses don’t have cloven hooves - are they clean? Why am I even thinking about any of this? Could I be a vegetarian? Never mind, I don’t eat a lot of vegetables. Fish don’t have hooves. I’m safe from the cud chewing hoof havers.
Hooves is a silly word.
Where on earth did the cleaning company hide the drip tray for my air fryer? Sam and I have checked every drawer and every cabinet. It is just gone. Is there some street value to this sort of thing? Did they have the same brand and just needed it? I mean, I found a replacement on Amazon for less than $20, but it just vexes me. Where did it go?
How do you figure people found out that there was something edible inside a coconut? Were they bored and decided to try and see what was in there? Were they desperately searching for food and were looking for any option? Or more likely were they watching a monkey one day and were like “oooooohhhhhhh okay…let’s shred that, cover it in chocolate with or without nuts.”
What are the little maxi pads at the bottom of packages of meat made out of and why aren’t real maxi pads made out of the same stuff?
Throughout history, new technologies were often viewed as being witchcraft or of the devil…does that mean that all progress is unholy or is it that men resist change so completely that they compartmentalize into complacency rather than embrace the possibility that they need to learn and grow?
What would the Mona Lisa look like with microblading to those eyebrows?
Do you think that animals sometimes lay around and look at the clouds and talk about the ones that look like humans?
Are you really still reading these?
